JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...........

[Wolfeh]

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
********
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
********
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
********
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It
only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by
having sex with a boy.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window!
Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last
time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came
and I didn't want to miss it."
********
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again and this time it worked.
********
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a
finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
********
Bonus extra ...... this is a classic
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a
bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate
glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver
said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of
me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which
the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today
is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last
25 years."

[[AsC]Frags]

those are great... good to brighten up the day

[Death Stalker UK]

Very funny stuff Wolfeh!