No Sex tonight ! ( adult humour )

by **Mac.** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 2:40 pm

No sex tonight...
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting
into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was
that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realising that
nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them
all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets
get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

by **Dutchman** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 4:52 pm

ROFLMAO, nice one! :lol:

:lol::lol:

by **[FuN]DanDaily** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 1:56 am

Mac,

Take some advise, don't get married.

The next time I have the urge to get hitched, I think I'll just walk up to some woman on the street and buy her a car and a house. It will save me much pain and money in the long run.