joke

[freakb]

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'
The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'
'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
'Your turn,' says the man.
'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

[Mrs.J.H.Miller]

Lmao good one

[spliffyed]

rofl (makes a note to self - make sure she go's first

[Cpt.Miller]

I always ask Claire to swallow first

Should have read joke first lol


Cpt.

[freakb]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. As she pays for her ticket, the bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You shouldn't take that. You tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey."

[sargent sam]

lol i havent heard those ,keep em coming

[freakb]

Two men are robbing a hotel.
"I hear sirens. Jump!" says the first one.
"But we're on the 13th floor!" his fellow thief replies.
"This is no time to be superstitious!"

[freakb]

having finisht playing cod2 thismorning at 12:45 am on mayhem i went out side for a fag,half way thru me smoke i herd a loud scream being the brave person iam i ran in the house and hid in the kichen i stayd ther for 5 mins thinking about wot it cud be and hoo wood visit my grave if it got me wen it screemd agen so i got a rollingpin and crept out side i cud here sumthing at the botum of the garden so i showtid out to it but it cept on screeming then i saw the animals making the din it was a hedghog being well geting rapet so i spent the rest of the night doging

[spliffyed]

er . . . do we really want to know what you did to that poor hedgehog . . . with the rolling pin . . . no wonder it was screaming

[freakb]

yep beastiality can be a cruel thing lol

[Keiser Soze]

rofl

[freakb]

the best joke ive seen so far? vista lol

[Goku]

the best joke ive seen so far? vista lol

*Snicker*

[freakb]

Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.
The third mouse stops and replies: "I'm going home to shag the cat."

[freakb]

One day a man found an odd-looking lamp and rubbed it. From inside came a genie that told him he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
"What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie.
"I want one billion dollars," replies the man.
"Remember," says the genie, "your mother-in-law gets double of what you get."
"I know," replied the man.
The man then chooses his second wish, "I wish I had a brand new sports car." So he gets his second wish and he's very content.
"Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like for your third wish?" asks the genie.
The man ponders for a moment, then answers, "I wish to be beaten half to death."