Joke :)

[xTreme]

Why I fired my secretary


Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday
and I wasn't feeling too good that
morning. I went to breakfast knowing
my wife would be pleasant and
say,
"Happy Birthday!", and probably have
a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even
say good morning, let alone any
happy
birthday. I thought, well, that's
wives for you, the children will
remember..

The children came in to breakfast
and didn't say a word. So when I
left
for
the office, I was feeling pretty low
and despondent..

As I walked into my office, my
secretary Janet said, "Good morning,
Boss.
Happy Birthday". And I felt a little
better that someone had
remembered.
I
worked until noon, then Janet
knocked on my door and said, "You
know, it's such a beautiful day
outside, and it's your birthday,
let's go to
lunch,
just you and me."

I said, "By George, that's the
greatest thing I've heard all day.
"Let's go!" We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go;
instead we went out to a private
little place. We had two martinis
and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she
said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day. We don't need to go
back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not."
She said, "Let's go to my
apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she
said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I think
I'll go into the bedroom and slip
into something more comfortable"
"Sure!"
I excitedly replied.
She went into the bedroom and, in
about six minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake -----
followed by my wife, children, and
dozens of our friends, all singing
Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there ----

on the couch...............
naked.

[xTreme]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

[xTreme]

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III ".
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?
Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

[xTreme]

president bush is invited to the saudi embassy for dinner. After dinner every1 is standing drinking and laughing when the saudi ambassador comes up to G.W and starts to have a conversation with him." mr president can i just say that i am a huge fan of 1 of your countries best tv shows star trek. I like the fact that it brings together all races in 1 common cause you have white people black people and asian people all working together for a common good" why thank you mr ambassador" says G.W "but 1 thing that does confuse mr president"says the ambassador "is the fact that there r no arabs in the cast of star trek i wonder if u could tell me why?" G.W just smiles winks and says to him
























"thats because it's set in the future

[Chainsaw (Idiot)]

HAHAHAHAHAHA thats really funnny xTreme all of it! hehe very funny stories especially the last one :p post more if you got any more